7 Roadmaps to help teenagers navigate trauma and foster healing

Addressing the (হাতি (hati):
A Psychotherapist’s Approach. Vol 6: The Journey to Healing
By Giuseppe Tagliarini BACP & Bryn Stillwell Primary Counselor

ট্রমা

In this edition of ‘Addressing the Hati,’ we will explore trauma, focusing on how to cope with it while raising awareness.

Understanding Trauma and the Journey to Healing
By Bryn Stillwell

Trauma, what is it really? The dictionary defines it as “a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.” While that definition may seem straightforward, the reality of trauma is much more complex. In truth, we all face some form of trauma in our lives—whether big or small. The question is not whether we’ve encountered trauma, but how we hold onto it, how it shapes us, and whether we can move forward from it. Is there a way to fully overcome trauma? Thanks to an incredible process called neuroplasticity, the answer is yes. But is it easy? No. Will it take time? Absolutely—and sometimes a great deal of it.

For someone diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) at a young age, understanding trauma can be a journey in itself. PTSD can leave a person feeling different from their peers, forced to “grow up” faster than others. When one should be enjoying the simpler moments of adolescence, trauma can instead introduce worries and burdens that feel far too heavy for a teenager to bear. The weight of PTSD is something that, after 22 years, doesn’t completely disappear. However, there is hope—and a way forward.

While PTSD doesn’t vanish overnight, it can become part of a larger story of growth and resilience. The trauma experienced in the past, while painful, can also become a teacher. In fact, for many, trauma reveals an inner strength they never knew they had. Through the struggles, there is a recognition of personal power—the understanding that one is strong, capable, and brave.

It’s important to acknowledge that trauma, though difficult, can help shape the person you become. While some might turn to harmful coping mechanisms, others find ways to channel that pain into personal growth. They learn that overcoming adversity leads to a deeper sense of self, and in time, it can open the door to success. Whether it’s building a fulfilling career, fostering meaningful relationships, or creating a supportive family network, these achievements serve as reminders of just how far a person can come despite their past.

When you’re in the depths of trauma, seeing the light can feel impossible. Yet, healing begins by shifting perspective. Instead of saying, “To me, trauma is…” try saying, “To me, trauma was…” This shift moves trauma from being an active, defining force in life to something that belongs to the past—a part of your story but not the whole of it.

Ultimately, trauma may not be a pleasant chapter in your life, but it can be a key to growth. Embracing resilience, acknowledging strength, and believing in your ability to heal will take you further than you ever imagined.

The Wound
By Giuseppe Tagliarini

One of my favorite psychologists is Dr. Gabor Maté, who talks extensively about trauma and its impact.

“Trauma is not what happens to you; it is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you. … From the Latin word vulnerare, meaning ‘to wound,’ vulnerability is our susceptibility to be wounded. This fragility is part of our nature and cannot be escaped. The best the brain can do is to shut down conscious awareness of it when pain becomes so vast or unbearable that it threatens to overwhelm our capacity to function. The automatic repression of painful emotion is a helpless child’s prime defense mechanism and can enable the child to endure trauma that would otherwise be catastrophic.”
― Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

“Shame is the deepest of the ‘negative emotions,’ a feeling we will do almost anything to avoid. Unfortunately, our abiding fear of shame impairs our ability to see reality.”
― Gabor Maté, When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress

Navigating Trauma: 7 Roadmaps for Parents to Support Their Teens

Understanding trauma can be a complex journey, particularly for parents trying to support their teenagers through it. Trauma is defined as “a deeply distressing or disturbing experience,” but its impact is far more intricate than that. As Bryn Stillwell emphasizes, we all encounter trauma in varying forms, and the crucial question is not whether we have experienced it but how we process and move forward from it.

For parents, recognizing that trauma is part of their child’s story can be a vital first step. Here are seven Roadmaps to help teenagers navigate trauma and foster healing:

Encourage Open Communication: Create a safe space for your teen to express their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to talk about their experiences and emotions without judgment.

Practice Grounding Techniques: Teach your teen grounding exercises to help them connect with the present moment. Techniques like deep breathing, focusing on their five senses, or using a grounding object can alleviate anxiety and provide comfort.

Foster a Routine: Establishing a consistent daily routine can provide a sense of stability and predictability, helping teens feel more secure.

Model Self-Compassion: Demonstrate self-love and acceptance. Share your own experiences with self-doubt and emphasize that healing takes time and effort. This can help your teen feel less isolated in their struggles.

Promote Healthy Coping Strategies: Encourage healthy outlets for emotions, such as journaling, art, or physical activity. Help them identify what works best for them to process their feelings.

Seek Professional Help: Don’t hesitate to seek therapy or counseling. Professionals can offer valuable tools and support tailored to your teen’s needs.

Highlight Resilience: Remind your teen of their strengths and the progress they’ve made, no matter how small. Sharing stories of others who have overcome trauma can inspire hope and resilience.

Healing from trauma is a gradual process. By equipping our children with these strategies and maintaining an open dialogue, you can help them navigate their emotions and foster a path toward recovery. Remember, the goal is not to erase the past but to empower them to reshape their story and embrace their resilience.

9 Bonus Grounding Techniques

Here’s a set of 9 grounding techniques which I use in my therapeutic practice, designed to help individuals stay present, reduce anxiety, and regain control during overwhelming moments:

1. 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique
This sensory method helps bring attention back to the present by focusing on your surroundings:

5 things you can see
4 things you can feel
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
This technique reduces stress by engaging the senses and shifting focus away from distressing thoughts.

2. Deep Breathing
Deep breathing activates the body’s parasympathetic nervous system, helping you relax:

Inhale slowly for a count of 4.
Hold your breath for 4.
Exhale for 4.
Repeat this process to calm the mind and body.

3. Grounding with Texture
Hold an object with a noticeable texture (e.g., a smooth stone, rough fabric, or even ice). Focus your attention entirely on the object’s texture, temperature, and feel. This shifts your mind to the present.

4. Body Awareness
Lie down or sit in a comfortable position and slowly focus on different parts of your body. Starting from your feet and working your way up to your head, notice any tension or sensations in each area. Relax each body part as you mentally scan it.

5. Counting Backwards
Choose a number and count backwards in intervals of three (e.g., 100, 97, 94…). This forces the mind to focus on the task at hand, which distracts from overwhelming emotions or intrusive thoughts.

6. Physical Movement
Engage in a small physical activity, such as walking, stretching, or even holding a yoga pose. Moving your body can break the cycle of anxiety and restore balance to your thoughts.

7. Safe Space Visualization
Imagine a place where you feel completely safe and peaceful. Picture every detail vividly: the colors, sounds, and scents. This mental image can provide comfort and help you disconnect from distressing thoughts.

8. Naming Things in Categories
Choose a category (e.g., fruits, cities, or animals) and start naming things that belong in that category. This technique shifts your mind’s focus, helping you regain control in moments of stress.

9. Breathing with Words
As you inhale, think of a calming word or phrase (e.g., “peace” or “I am safe”), and as you exhale, repeat a releasing word (e.g., “let go” or “release”). This combines deep breathing with intentional thought redirection.

These grounding techniques are simple yet effective strategies that can help individuals manage anxiety, flashbacks, and overwhelming emotions. Practicing them regularly can also build emotional resilience.

By Giuseppe Tagliarini BACP & Bryn Stillwell Primary Counselor